As he went to the Blackboard, he wrote ECONOMICS 101 in very large capital letters. He started the lecture by saying that there were 4 “Cardinal Rules” that must be implicitly followed to achieve the ultimate goal of “Fundamentally Transforming America”.

1.    Spend as much as possible, in as short a timeframe as possible.
2.    Secondly,  …

Uncle, I said interrupting, I have a question.

Don’t interrupt me, and don’t call me Uncle in the classroom young man, call me Professor. I have toiled and worked many years to attain my rank and status in life.

Yes sir, Professor, I began again. Why try to spend all you can, as quickly as possible?

We will get to that later, young man, he exclaimed. You just need to trust me for now, as I am the expert, and I know what is best. Now, where was I? Oh yes …

2.    Secondly, once the maximum expenditures have been budgeted, we set that as the Goal Level, and Freeze that amount for the next several years. This way, you won’t have to spend any less for the next few years. We designate this as a Spending Freeze, and say this is how we are cutting the Budget Deficit, to show that we are fiscally conservative.
3.    Third, we justify this policy by stating that Cutting the Deficit is just as important as creating Jobs, in a sagging economy. Everyone knows that Jobs will be the Public’s number 1 concern. We thus raise the perceived stature of a Spending Freeze to the level of Jobs for most people. They don’t really know the difference.
4.    Fourth, and most importantly, we can spend this newly budgeted money with impunity, since there is so much money available to spend. We spend this money by giving contracts to our Friends and Donors, so we solidify our support base. This will be of paramount importance in order to continue our Reign over our constituents, by being re-elected. Finally, upon being re-elected, we start the whole process over and over again.

My Uncle asked the class, any questions?

Yes, I exclaimed, I do have several questions.

1.    Won’t spending money we don’t have lead to Bankruptcy?
2.    Freezing Spending doesn’t sound like cutting the Deficit, does it?
3.    Shouldn’t Jobs always be our top priority too?
4.    Isn’t giving Friends and Donors special Government Contracts considered Bribery?

Here class, is an opportunity for a Teaching Moment and a Learning Experience, as well, my exasperated Uncle Sam retorted.

1.    We spend other people’s money, so we just borrow all we can, so the ultimate problem is not ours.
2.    If we actually were cutting the Deficit, we would only have less to spend, so we can’t do that.
3.    Our own Jobs are what we need to be concerned about, not those of the general Populace.
4.    We don’t want to give the money to our Enemies, only to our Friends and Donors.

Actually, he continued, we do sometimes give money to our Enemies, but only when we get something in return, or to be politically correct.

Thankfully, I then awoke from my sleep and the nightmare was over. Then I thought, maybe it is a premonition of things to come.

What about you?
Did you wake up too?

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1. My Uncle’s Business My Uncle has a very large Business, and he says...

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As I met my Uncle, he welcomed me with a big hug, and said it was a great day to start, since he and his top advisors were doing strategic expansion planning this day, so I should just watch, listen and learn. I walked into the room, and spied the largest conference table that I had ever seen. There was a name at each chair position, and since none of them had my name, I just sat by the wall.

I admonished myself to take copious notes of the plethora of wonderful business marketing ideas that I would surely be privy to today. This was indeed a “Dream Come True” for me.

The ideas proffered were to implement the New Rules, as follows:

1. Charge Customers a tax to clean and retool all Plants to create “Green Jobs”.
2. Charge Suppliers a “Cap & Trade” tax to clean up the Environment.
3. Charge Shareholders an “Income Tax” for owning part of the Business.
4. Pay Non-Shareholders for “Re-Distribution Entitlement”.
5. Always charge everyone more than the Business pays out.

After the meeting, my Uncle asked me if I had any questions. I replied that I had nothing but questions. He chided that I must be confused, but he would clear it all up for me.

My questions and Uncle’s answers were as follows:

Q.    Why charge Customers, since they buy products and drive the economy?
A.    They must pay to be responsible customers and create more “Green Jobs”.

Q.    Why charge Suppliers, since they produce the products that also drive the economy?
A.    They must be responsible Suppliers, and pay “Cap & Trade” to clean things up.

Q.    Why charge Shareholders, since they actually own the Business?
A.    They must pay us to monitor & direct their lives as an “Income Tax”.

Q.    Why Pay Non-Shareholders, since they own and produce nothing?
A.    They should be “Entitled” to more from those richer by “Redistribution”.

Q.    How do you always pay out less than you take in?
A.    This one is more of a “Guideline” than a “Rule”. If we are short, after taxing everyone, we just print or borrow more money.

I still don’t understand, I said, this sounds a lot like the United States Government. It is the United States Government, Uncle Sam told me. We don’t “Follow the Rules”, we just make them for others to follow.

Just then, I awoke from my nightmare and realized that I might have time to take action on “Cap & Trade” and “Redistribution” Legislation before it is too late.

What about you?

Did you wake up too?

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Anyway, the other day, my Uncle said that he wanted to finance a new car for me. I stated that I really liked the older car that I had, especially since it was paid for. My Uncle responded that he really knew what was best for me, and I was really going to love this new automobile.

To humor my Uncle, I asked what it would cost me. He said that this was the best part of the deal, since it was practically FREE! All I need to know was the plethora of marvelous options on this new beauty, and I would be sold on it. I could start paying for my new car immediately, he told me, and pay it out over 10 years. Isn’t that a very long time to pay on a car, I answered? Don’t worry about anything, he responded, remember, I know what is best for you. Well, what color is it? What options does it have? When can I pick it up?

One question at a time, my Uncle chided. You will only have to pay for this fine automobile for 3 years before you get it. It should then last you for 7 more years after that. Isn’t that the greatest deal ever? You don’t hear of a 10 year plan like this every day.

I told Uncle that I did not understand why I would need to pay for this car for 10 years, and only get to use it for 7 years. Oh, youth, he said, this is exactly why I need to make this decision for you. This is the best part of the plan, as you will save a lot of money, because you start paying before you get your car. You must just trust those of us who know what is best for you.

What if the car doesn’t last the full 7 years, I wondered. My Uncle must have read my mind, because, he continued, I will be personally testing this car out for you during the first 3 years to be absolutely certain that everything works perfectly. Of course, automobiles are mechanical in nature, and can break down anytime. You do understand that you will need to pay to maintain the car properly, don’t you?

I think that I will just keep my old “Paid For” car, I responded. You can’t do that my Uncle chided. You see, since he runs the family business, then he alone makes all the decisions for me and the entire family. Your old car was turned into the “Cash-For-Clunkers” program, so you will just have to accept the New Car Deal.

Let me get this straight:

1. I have lost my old car
2. I must start immediately making payments
3. I won’t have any car at all for 3 years
4. You will drive my new car for the first 3 years
5. I must pay for my “New” but by now, “Old” car for 7 more years
6. If the car needs repairs, I must pay for that too
7. I don’t get to choose the color, style, make or options etc.
8. In short, I really don’t have any say in anything

What if I decide that I don’t like your plan, and don’t pay for the new car? Then, my Uncle explained, there would, of course, be some necessary penalties. There needs to be a teaching moment here to give you the proper incentive to make better choices in the future. There will be a fine for not participating of up to $250,000.00 and, of course, up to 5 years in jail. That should be enough to teach you about your Uncle’s Business, my Uncle Sam said.

Thankfully, I then woke up from this nightmare to realize that I might still have time to act on Healthcare Legislation before it is too late.

What about you?

Did you wake up too?

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