Stop Searching! My uncle is a Professor of Economics at the University, and today, I will have my very first class under his excellent tutelage. I am so excited to avail myself of the sage advice that I will most certainly receive on Economics. I realize that economics affects everything from household considerations for a Family Budget to the monumental scope of applying such budget rules to setting up the Budget and Planning of the entire Nation.
As he went to the Blackboard, he wrote ECONOMICS 101 in very large capital letters. He started the lecture by saying that there were 4 “Cardinal Rules” that must be implicitly followed to achieve the ultimate goal of “Fundamentally Transforming America”.
1. Spend as much as possible, in as short a timeframe as possible.
2. Secondly, …
Uncle, I said interrupting, I have a question.
Don’t interrupt me, and don’t call me Uncle in the classroom young man, call me Professor. I have toiled and worked many years to attain my rank and status in life.
Yes sir, Professor, I began again. Why try to spend all you can, as quickly as possible?
We will get to that later, young man, he exclaimed. You just need to trust me for now, as I am the expert, and I know what is best. Now, where was I? Oh yes …
2. Secondly, once the maximum expenditures have been budgeted, we set that as the Goal Level, and Freeze that amount for the next several years. This way, you won’t have to spend any less for the next few years. We designate this as a Spending Freeze, and say this is how we are cutting the Budget Deficit, to show that we are fiscally conservative.
3. Third, we justify this policy by stating that Cutting the Deficit is just as important as creating Jobs, in a sagging economy. Everyone knows that Jobs will be the Public’s number 1 concern. We thus raise the perceived stature of a Spending Freeze to the level of Jobs for most people. They don’t really know the difference.
4. Fourth, and most importantly, we can spend this newly budgeted money with impunity, since there is so much money available to spend. We spend this money by giving contracts to our Friends and Donors, so we solidify our support base. This will be of paramount importance in order to continue our Reign over our constituents, by being re-elected. Finally, upon being re-elected, we start the whole process over and over again.
My Uncle asked the class, any questions?
Yes, I exclaimed, I do have several questions.
1. Won’t spending money we don’t have lead to Bankruptcy?
2. Freezing Spending doesn’t sound like cutting the Deficit, does it?
3. Shouldn’t Jobs always be our top priority too?
4. Isn’t giving Friends and Donors special Government Contracts considered Bribery?
Here class, is an opportunity for a Teaching Moment and a Learning Experience, as well, my exasperated Uncle Sam retorted.
1. We spend other people’s money, so we just borrow all we can, so the ultimate problem is not ours.
2. If we actually were cutting the Deficit, we would only have less to spend, so we can’t do that.
3. Our own Jobs are what we need to be concerned about, not those of the general Populace.
4. We don’t want to give the money to our Enemies, only to our Friends and Donors.
Actually, he continued, we do sometimes give money to our Enemies, but only when we get something in return, or to be politically correct.
Thankfully, I then awoke from my sleep and the nightmare was over. Then I thought, maybe it is a premonition of things to come.
What about you?
Did you wake up too?
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