My Uncle's Business

My Uncle has a very large Business, and he says that I will own it some day. Actually, I must share it with my many cousins, which is fine with me, as we are all family. Since I am a member of this great family, my Uncle says that I really do already own the Business. Managing the Business for the benefit of everyone in the family, is the way my Uncle described his role.

Anyway, the other day, my Uncle said that he wanted to finance a new car for me. I stated that I really liked the older car that I had, especially since it was paid for. My Uncle responded that he really knew what was best for me, and I was really going to love this new automobile.

To humor my Uncle, I asked what it would cost me. He said that this was the best part of the deal, since it was practically FREE! All I need to know was the plethora of marvelous options on this new beauty, and I would be sold on it. I could start paying for my new car immediately, he told me, and pay it out over 10 years. Isn’t that a very long time to pay on a car, I answered? Don’t worry about anything, he responded, remember, I know what is best for you. Well, what color is it? What options does it have? When can I pick it up?

One question at a time, my Uncle chided. You will only have to pay for this fine automobile for 3 years before you get it. It should then last you for 7 more years after that. Isn’t that the greatest deal ever? You don’t hear of a 10 year plan like this every day.

I told Uncle that I did not understand why I would need to pay for this car for 10 years, and only get to use it for 7 years. Oh, youth, he said, this is exactly why I need to make this decision for you. This is the best part of the plan, as you will save a lot of money, because you start paying before you get your car. You must just trust those of us who know what is best for you.

What if the car doesn’t last the full 7 years, I wondered. My Uncle must have read my mind, because, he continued, I will be personally testing this car out for you during the first 3 years to be absolutely certain that everything works perfectly. Of course, automobiles are mechanical in nature, and can break down anytime. You do understand that you will need to pay to maintain the car properly, don’t you?

I think that I will just keep my old “Paid For” car, I responded. You can’t do that my Uncle chided. You see, since he runs the family business, then he alone makes all the decisions for me and the entire family. Your old car was turned into the “Cash-For-Clunkers” program, so you will just have to accept the New Car Deal.

Let me get this straight:

1. I have lost my old car
2. I must start immediately making payments
3. I won’t have any car at all for 3 years
4. You will drive my new car for the first 3 years
5. I must pay for my “New” but by now, “Old” car for 7 more years
6. If the car needs repairs, I must pay for that too
7. I don’t get to choose the color, style, make or options etc.
8. In short, I really don’t have any say in anything

What if I decide that I don’t like your plan, and don’t pay for the new car? Then, my Uncle explained, there would, of course, be some necessary penalties. There needs to be a teaching moment here to give you the proper incentive to make better choices in the future. There will be a fine for not participating of up to $250,000.00 and, of course, up to 5 years in jail. That should be enough to teach you about your Uncle’s Business, my Uncle Sam said.

Thankfully, I then woke up from this nightmare to realize that I might still have time to act on Healthcare Legislation before it is too late.

What about you?

Did you wake up too?

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